Hundred Word Haibun #5

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Inside this file is possibility. Inside, so far, is emptiness.

The file was bought in January, when the desire to create was high but the opportunity to write was low. Daisies, pansies, chrysanthemums decorate the black enamel of its surface. Inside I imagine leaves of my printed poetry, blossoming.

I bought the file because it reminds me of my intention to collect my poetry together this year, to produce a small collection. It reminds me that a goal without a plan is just a dream.

Red inked pages fill
Desk, shelves, couch, with teaching notes.
On this shelf, poems wait.

Hundred Word Haibun #4

 

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The first two weeks of 2016 have been tough. I’ve been searching for inner calm amongst the anxious thoughts ~ but calm isn’t amongst them, it lives underneath. The anxiety must be sifted through, rejected.

There were commitments made last year which no longer fit me, that need to play out to their end now. There are new habits to be made. The old habits? They know they’re dying. I like to think that nothing about me just lies down to die. Not even these bad habits. Respect.

Old habits don’t die
without putting up a fight ~
watch them burn and fade.

Hundred word haibun #3

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I’ve been overthinking again. Every simple action a catalyst for a cascade of ideas, images, memories. Before today my deep heart, a pink lotus rose, has been unfolding. Now it is a rock in my chest, frozen.

I close my eyes in meditation. The radio is quiet. The snakes are not writhing around the courtyard. But there’s not just an absence of noise: I feel nothing ~ no roar, no whisper. My heart is separate. Purity, innocence, wisdom have all been choked by my analysis.

Time to stop thinking
Thoughts are too small to hold God
His voice is a feeling.

Hundred Word Haibun #2

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My lower back has seized up after two nights on an unfamiliar mattress. I am forced to stay in place on my sofa and this gives me the space I need to journal about where I am now.

There is a clear vision about my patterns of work, how I prioritise favours for friends and family or organising my family’s home life, how I prioritise this over my creative life. Up until now this has suited me: short tasks with clear endings and immediate feedback. But something is changing.

Now the familiar
threatens a cracking surface:
time to go deeper.

Photo Journal #6: Six self-care love notes from Barcelona

  1. 11888081_10153025290010846_4687024062860825774_nWhat looks dangerous at first can slowly reveal its charm, but the element of danger shouldn’t be forgotten. Sometimes a hard face is needed in the dark street of a strange city. Cocktails with only white rum are a form of wisdom.20883261392_0e9a4eae0d_o
  2. There is very little anxiety in travel when not responsible for a family. What will be, will be. It is possible to remember the frisson of riding around a non-English speaking city alone and be energised.11953233_10153025286550846_8699306821849566297_n
  3. My body clock tick tocks with complete independence and will not bow to mob rule. Three short nights’ sleep will take six days of lie ins, early nights and naps to recover from.
  4. 20892943875_bd6ebfa1b1_oEven if I want to be part of giving my baby sister the best hen party ever, so much of the self cannot be given away without consequence. It is possible to have fun and be ruined at the same time. But do I want to?20270108164_45353ab6ba_o
  5. Tiredness can manifest in physical wounds, especially when not paying attention to the oven shelf. Although entirely accidental, once it’s there the wound will feel necessary. If it refuses to heal in plain sight, it needs covering and time to let the bad stuff out, time to form stronger and yet more tender skin.20270051424_1ae091681f_o
  6. Reflections can take a while to compost down and bloom. There may be no words in Barca. On return there may be one third of an A5 page with two scant columns. Two weeks later, this. Self-care love notes, and the gift of seeing the self clearly, even if just for a moment.11949395_10153025292420846_2105582138670283919_nThank you, Barcelona.