For the uninitiated, an introduction from the NaNoWriMo website:
“National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to creative writing. On November 1, participants begin working towards the goal of writing a 50,000-word novel by 11:59 PM on November 30. Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought about writing a novel.”
I am so ready to burst forth into a writing project. Not just any writing project, but the coming of age novel that I have been skirting around for the past ten years. The one that has felt so immense that I have scarcely wanted to touch it for fear of failure. In the past couple of months, though, there has been a shift in my creative energy and the biggest danger will be that if I don’t direct this energy it will rage through my life anyway, or become even become blocked again. One of the things I’ve learnt along the way is don’t start a project for any other reason than you need to create and have these things flow through you NOW.
And so I am taking part in NaNoWriMo this year because I am at the point where I’m ready to start this project. I’ve been clearing the ground enough and slain enough demons that there is all of this creative energy flinging around and it needs a channel to flow through. I know a project like this needs a big charge, and it feels like I’m riding it right now. I still have a fear of failure, but I also know I have a greater fear of this creative energy darting around and making mischief: it must now be directed. This river of creativity flows into the wild sea of the mind, and rivers are not always life giving: they also have the potential to destroy.
So I need to harness and channel this creative river so that it doesn’t burst its banks and do some damage along the way. The timing is right. I’ve prepped the ground. Add alongside that the momentum of the challenge of writing 50,000 words in 30 days, which will help keep the rivers raging. In the past I have had magical thinking about what this particular coming of age novel could achieve, and that ends up putting a lot of pressure on a project that is hard to sustain. The project becomes an Atlas type figure propping up the weight and expectation of my whole creative world. I release those expectations now, and just want to connect with the project with some deeply felt, heart centred writing. It is definitely a block that needs addressing with courage, and what better way of tackling it than with the force of this creative wave that is flowing from my heart.
I want to make next month an example of how I can start a project with good momentum, and also stay centred and avoid anxiety. I need to stay both in creativity and healing mode. I am writing this novel to release old energies ~ it is time for change and to learn something new. I want to seize the day rather than have the day seize me.
I hold a red apple which is a source of hope, the fear is that if I bite into the apple that the hope will be gone. But there are seeds inside that apple which will be re-sown. Once a big bite is taken, then it will be clear how the fruit of creativity sustains and multiplies from itself.
Own the story.
Break the cycle.
Bite the apple.