From the Diary #20 ~ On turning 40

 

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“But secluding my experience during that early period was both cowardly and wise. Some things are too fragile, too vulnerable to bring into the public eye. Tender things with tiny roots tend to wither in the glare of public scrutiny. By holding my awakening within, I contained the energy of it, and it fed me the way blood feeds muscle. It fed me a certain propelling energy, and I kept moving forward.”
― Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter

So things have been quiet around here, huh?

I think the main catch up is, I had a 40th birthday.

With several celebrations, a house full of decorations, cards and gifts, and three (count them!) birthday cakes, for those who know me it was hard to miss. I was filled with a deep love and gratitude for all the birthday wishes I received~ especially as turning forty on a school day in February didn’t fill me with much inspiration. But on the morning of my birthday, sunshine, surprising blue skies and all the love shared  made the day very special indeed.

Over the last year, I have been struggling with the thought of this new zero number. I didn’t go down the route of a bucket list, ‘forty things to do before I turn…’, or other outward trappings ~ instead I decided to focus on my inner life. Wrinkles showing? No matter. Not where I want to be in my career? Insignificant. Because the inner journey is everything.

It’s true that I’m currently protecting myself with the chrysalis of public silence. There are some delicate transformations which are, as Sue Monk Kidd describes, ‘tender things with tiny roots (which) tend to wither in the glare of public scrutiny’.

With three months left of my teaching certificate left and fledgling plans for how I plan to combine my writing and teaching life, I am containing the energy I need for this next phase.

In the meantime, don’t shy from the icy breath of March’s wind, or that downpour that sends you home shivering and searching for comfort. Tender cuttings are burrowing deep roots, and harsh conditions will develop hardiness. Spring is almost here.

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2 thoughts on “From the Diary #20 ~ On turning 40

  1. Claire, the world is so much a better place for your writing and words…that last paragraph…wow! A belated happy birthday to you and to holding the awakening within. All the very best for your final 3 months of course work. Xox

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