- Sometimes I can’t see myself. I see myself as I feel, not as I am. I see myself in the material of what I’m reflected in ~ not in the spirit and flesh that I am.
- I wake up early but I find it hard to get out of bed.
- I take on the responsibilities of the world and I don’t let others grow. I baby them. I take responsibility for their actions and their feelings.
- Too often I would rather bitch about somebody than sort out my differences with them. I’d rather sit on my high horse than kneel down in compassion. Or I mask my feelings rather than offend somebody ~ even when they might benefit from being offended. Either way, I avoid really being with people if it feels uncomfortable.
- I would always rather read a book or watch Pretty Little Liars* than move forward in my writing or my teaching life. I love to hide. And I’d rather eat chocolate than feel a feeling, especially when I judge it’s an inconvenient time to be in touch with my emotions. (*insert programme du jour)
I see me. I see my imperfections. I see they are born out of a deep need to feel safe and to keep those around me safe too. Can you be wild and safe? I think you can, so long as by safe you mean protected from ultimate harm. I see the Holy Spirit in the wild geese, honking loudly, hissing for protection, taking flight in awe inspiring formation.
But more and more I need to remember that safe doesn’t mean I’ll never have to feel the uncomfortable feelings ~ or that I can protect those I love from them feeling them too.
No wonder I love to pour my life into poetry. It’s the space in my life that feels safe in the way it holds and contains ~ and when I’m there I allow myself to feel all the feelings…